Politics and Society

BREAKING NEWS: War Now Good Because Trump Opposes It

20TH DECEMBER, 2018: In a series of announcements, Donald Trump stated that the USA would finally withdraw its forces from Syria and half of its number in Afghanistan.

Reactions to this news were swift and came with a clear consensus; Trump is wrong. US interventionism is actually a good thing, and the US should continue to intervene in and start wars that kill millions of people on the other side of the world.

This is an interesting turn of events, considering that liberals are more inclined to be opposed to US interventionism than Trump’s Republican base. Rather than admit that Trump is accidentally doing a good thing in this instance, many have instead decided to immediately change their opinions to reflect the opposite of his policy. Eternal, endless war for nothing but the sake of blood offerings to appease the blood gods (hail lords Raytheon and Lockheed Martin!) is now an objectively good thing that must be upheld and defended at all costs. Tom Jones was very, very wrong.

Whether Trump will take notice of this bold liberal strategy is still up in the air. It may be wise for him to change all of his policy positions to Democratic ones overnight. That way, liberals would suddenly turn into Republicans and advocate for the exact opposite of their original platform, getting Trump’s real agenda passed with ease. Meanwhile, his own supporters would stick with him because they don’t really care about his politics, just that he’s Trump.

If tomorrow Trump decided that he was now pro-immigrant, we could expect large protests of registered Democrats on the US-Mexico border enthusiastically chanting “BUILD THAT WALL!”

Whatever happens, a clear message has been sent: good things are bad things if Trump is associated with them.


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